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"You don't know love," they said

"You don't know love," they said.

Maybe I don't know the love that they were meaning to associate. But, I think I know love. I had two great loves before. Not with boys, of course ahem, but with my best girl friends (note that I'm completely a straight person so don't misunderstand me haha).

I met Ina at a five-day science camp when I was fourteen. We were roommates for that period of time. We were from different schools so we never met before. I am the type of person that can hardly get close to anyone in a very short time. But, I don't know. With Ina, I could 'click' with her so very well. I don't really remember the details of our friendship development so it is hard to tell how we could get along so well. One thing for sure, in reference to almost all my relationships/friendships with people, she made the move first. I always thought she was special; the sight of her made me extremely happy, her presence made me (who prefers to not talking especially in the morning) wanted to have a conversation, her company alone made me quite at ease even without much talking. Do you know the feeling when someone we like is right beside us but still we're missing them? Well, I think it was the first for me with Ina. I regarded her as a twin that I've always dreamed of having. However, good times, as well as bad times, are not forever  in this world. We parted ways after that. Still, I tried to keep in touch and so did she. Things were good. However, after a considerable number of 'hellos', 'how are yous', 'what are you doings', 'happy birthdays' and 'selamat hari rayas' I guessed we ran out of things to talk about and to connect so the chatting gradually and naturally died down. Then, one day I saw her again. I accidentally came into contact with her again at our matriculation college. From her momentary surprised look, I was sure she knew me. She left as quick as that seconds of our eye contacts. I'd resented her for that. But, after much thinking and rethinking, I decided that it was stupid to get angry at her because I never asked for the truth. And truth be told, I never made the effort to run after her and say 'hi' either.  

 And then there was another girl. She was a senior actually. Although we were just one year apart, I felt quite awkward with her. There were too much to tell about her but some memories are meant to be only in one's own mind, don't you think? The little things that I can tell is her wisdom was something I could only match after putting in much effort, her voice and words were precious to my ears (she was not a talker just like me which made thing a loootttt more harder to maintain this friendship) and the way she cared for me was something I never experience except from my family. Similar thing with Ina, I tried to keep in touch after she graduated and so did she. But, the bad side of befriending someone who was a quiet like her was our conversation through text messages tended to be short. It was not as festive as I was with Ina. But I think that's what made our friendship particularly and awkwardly special to me.

To tell me I don't know love is a little too much to take in. Because if these are not love, tell me what they are then. 


"And though I can't recall your face, I still got love for you" 
Taylor Swift (Seven) - 2021



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