Atypical Wanderer

"Mockingbirds don't do one thing but make music for us to enjoy ... they don't do one thing but sing their hearts out for us. That's why it's a sin to kill a mockingbird." - Maudie Atkinson To Kill a Mockingbird was my third classics this year and it was as brilliant as my two former reads (I wish to keep the two books to myself ahem). This novel shows childhood innocence and curiosity at its best through the two main characters, Jean Louise Finch, or more often called as Scout, and his brother, Jeremy Atticus Finch or Jem. Jem was older by a few years from Scout, hence explained his more mature thinking and actions, making him sometimes more like a teacher to his sister than just a brother. Although I found Jem's changes of attitude as he went through his puberty a little annoying at times, it was impossible to hate him entirely because he still showed his loving quality especially towards Scout and how he was becoming more like a wise man like

September had been quite a productive and good month for me. And to end the month reading this book was a choice well made. After Walking the Nile , I kind of said to myself, "This guy can write.". And after Walking the Americas , I must say that this man here is quite a storyteller. Lev had taught me, through his four months of walking expedition, that you need a good company to travel. Without one, any unforeseen situation can seem almost unbearable to take in. Alberto, the friend that he chose to walk with him, did not only add humour to the story hence making it fun to read, he was also quite knowledgeable about the history of some places that they had to pass through. He was quite cheerful about the prospect of taking on the adventure when Lev had proposed it to him since it was the first for him. However, as the story progressed, I realised, and Alberto realised it even better, that the journey was not an easy feat. Even the most positive person can turn out to

"You don't know love," they said. Maybe I don't know the love that they were meaning to associate. But, I think I know love. I had two great loves before. Not with boys, of course ahem, but with my best girl friends (note that I'm completely a straight person so don't misunderstand me haha). I met Ina at a five-day science camp when I was fourteen. We were roommates for that period of time. We were from different schools so we never met before. I am the type of person that can hardly get close to anyone in a very short time. But, I don't know. With Ina, I could 'click' with her so very well. I don't really remember the details of our friendship development so it is hard to tell how we could get along so well. One thing for sure, in reference to almost all my relationships/friendships with people, she made the move first. I always thought she was special; the sight of her made me extremely happy, her presence made me (who prefers to not

I usually refrain myself from reading this kind of book, the kind that makes life and people seem so not right and it only seems that I just need to care only about myself. I still have about 16 pages left to read but can't fight the urge to start writing how I feel about this book.  Does this book change my view about psychology book? Well, sadly not much. I still think that this book (and the kinds) is not my cup of tea. Can we really read people like book? Are people that simple to be read? I still doubt these. After reading this book (though still having 16 pages left to read), I can conclude that the writer suggests us to not feel anything or to easily judge people from what the eyes can see; we can't feel bad if someone deceives us ( "How about not feeling bad, and just not do whatever it was again?" ) and if someone doesn't look you in the eyes when both of you are conversing, then he is a dishonest person ( "Honest people do not avoid eye

I can always relate to the characters in the dramas that I watch - the kind of people who are often being taken advantage of because people around them think they can easily be intimidated, the kind of people that have to try really hard at work because they don't know to kiss other people's butts and the kind of people that can't say 'no' to any requests for help because then things will be hard at work.  Their kindness just make people want to make them do more, sometimes the things that are being asked for are just for their own personal interests. For example, you work as an accountant but you are also gifted to draw people well. Or maybe you are just a freelance artist that tries to make a living by selling your pieces while you wait to land a permanent job. One of your colleagues or friends know about your talent and ask you to draw his portrait for free. Then, the next week he asks for another two portraits. Also for free. Ohh... have I mentioned the req

Today, I sat alone at a corner of the cafeteria. This was not an usual thing for me to do. I love to be at secluded places, hidden from people. People tire me out. And I wanted to figure out the reason. At a small space, People are chattering away, With their voices raised to be heard, As the people like to talk too much, I wonder if they also listen? The chit chatting went on like forever. Some had been sitting at the table for quite some time; the empty glasses on the table proved it. They didn't even bother to give up the seats to the people who were to have their lunch. I look around the cafe, I see all of the different faces, Some are familiar, Some are not. They talk and talk and talk. With their loud voices, I wonder if we have to be loud, In order to be heard?

I thought I’d forgotten how she looked like. Until she came last night. With that broad smile that showed her perfect line of teeth, I couldn’t mistake her for someone else. Because the one thing I always know and remember, that smile was what I liked most about her. Maybe she doesn’t even know she visited last night. Nevertheless, I welcome you to my dream. Anytime. Alhamdulillah. Thank you, God.

We all have that one day where everything seems off and everyone tries to drive you to the edge. Mine is today. I swear how much I want to swear right now but I just can’t.

..... Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic.  Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don&#

...... "When did it become so hard to say I like the things I like?"   - Yujeong "Forgiveness is a powerful thing, Meredith. Let it go, Meredith, and forgive."  - Richard Webber "He was my boss, always."  - Michael Collins "You don't have to change a thing the world could change its heart." - Alessia Cara "I was your amber, but now she's your shade of gold." - Demi Lovato "Scared is what you're feeling but brave is what you're doing." - Ma "Sometimes, a defeat or a failure, instead of being a crisis, can be a good opportunity." - Gerard Houllier "Nothing goes cold more more quickly than passion, as he knows from experience." - Danie Pennac "Maybe, you don't have to smile so sad, laugh when you're feeling bad." - Keira Knightley "I'm ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight." - Alex & Sierra "The foolish wor

How do you interpret these lines from the song "The Sound of Silence": And the people bowed and prayed To the neon God they made And the sign flashed out its warning In the words that it was forming And the sign said "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls And tenement halls"  and whispered in the sound of silence P/s: How can we not fall in love with song lyrics as deep as this?😌 

"Forgiveness is a powerful thing, Meredith. Let it go, Meredith, and forgive." - Richard Webber 'To forgive' requires courage. It demands courage within oneself to let go of the painful memory and also to give peace to the doer of the wrongdoings. However, when you've decided to forgive and forget, your inner self or a part of you might not support the idea of letting go.  Why do I have to forgive when not forgiving is my power over them?  Why to let go when they don't even realise I am hurt? When they hurt me, I've already lost at the first place. To forgive them is to let them win again, isn't it? Feeding yourself off hatred is what makes you breathe. It makes you live. It makes you able to face the responsible persons despite the pain.  That's why it is the truth when people say that to forgive is to be courageous. Because it is definitely not easy to fight against your own will and to make yourself understand why you deci

13 April 2018. The day I finished 'Walking the Nile'. It took me about two and a half months to read the whole book (yes, I'm a slow reader). The time I spent was incomparable to around nine months it took Levison to finish his walk from the source of the great Nile to the end of it. It was quite an easy read for me despite finding it a little bit challenging to imagine the kind of things he saw during his walk, the kind of people he met, the adrenaline rush he must have felt seeing his friend dying from the unforgiving heat of the desert. Of all these, to imagine the direction of the Nile that sometimes bends towards the north or any other directions and when the river divides itself into the Blue Nile and the White Nile pose an amazing challenge itself. The unfolding of various issues happening across Africa gave me new knowledge to the parts of the world that didn't really intrigue me to find out more about it before out of my sheer ignorance.   As some of

Just finished this a few days ago. For the third time! For the third time!! I can’t really tell you how hard it is for a book to keep me revisiting them. When reading this, I kept on salivating as I waited for its revelations on why people don’t really read anymore or why I read much lesser now compared to when I was seven to twelve. Most of the truths were not shocking at all but the fact that someone wrote them on pieces of paper and made them into a book fascinated me in a way; “isn’t it cool that this French writer shared the same thought as me?”. I really recommend this book to people who used to binge reading on weekends before but hardly read one book a year anymore- just to have the pleasure of agreeing or disagreeing with the author on the “whys” reading doesn’t excite them now as before -, to parents on how to introduce reading to their curious young children, to teachers that have to deal with a class of students that constantly and, almost without fail, with unit

Do I consider myself a writer? Yes. Truthfully saying, I do. People who know me personally might think I am being cocky after being able to publish my debut book recently. But, frankly speaking, the title as a book writer (well, if some people even consider to call me that) is not that huge for me, maybe because I am not recognized that well by people in the industry as well as the public reader (maybe not just yet). I only consider myself as a real writer when I write in this blog. There are a few reasons I want to continue blogging after I had left this blog for quite some time. I want to ease all the monologues inside my head. I might not be a kind of person who is loud  on the outside but my head sometimes do have all sorts of things to talk about that my sleep gets distracted at times because I don't talk about it with others. So, the options are to talk about it aloud with anyone or anything, or to write them down. Considering I rarely share my thoughts verbally a

Finally, I have managed to publicly release my debut book, co-written with my friend together with a small contribution from her sister. It is about a little more than two months now that the book is up on the market.  If you ask me how I feel, I feel more relieved than excited actually. I am relieved that the effort finally gets to the place as we have once dreamed of when we were still at school, to be in the writing and publication industry as well as at the hands of general people. I am also relieved that I am able to fulfill the promise I made to write a book with the same friend.  I can say that the feeling of me being able to publish a book equals to that of when I was graduating from my degree study. More relieved than excited. And nervous too. The thought of getting the scroll up on the stage made me nauseous. The only reasons I forced myself to attend the convocation were because my mom did not approve the idea of me being absence from my own convocation and t

How can I not fall in love with the way she looks at him? I watched the movie first, quite long before I read the book. The movie was excellent. The novel was quite a let down at first because I read it with my own 24-year-old's voice when I should've used a five-year-old boy's instead. Silly me. Shouldn't have made the mistake after watching the movie.  Like most stories being made into movies, there are a few differences between the novel and the movie. However, I don't really mind that because the complexities are still there.  Reading this book, you can easily hate Ma, the mother of Jack, that had been kept captive by his kidnapper for as long as seven years. She occasionally had mood swings especially when she was treated at a hospital after she and Jack were finally saved by the police. She would easily become irritated when the doctor wanted to run a check-up on Jack; she would insist that there was nothing wrong with her son because she has taken a g

Sometimes, we just crave for someone's presence. Someone who is still living or might not be. Someone who is near or far, or someone who is near but seems far or the other way around. The four best friends from high school or maybe that one friend from university. Or maybe a friend we might not know for years; maybe a week was just enough to make it feel like years of friendship because we just clicked but sadly both of us quietly faded away as no commonness tied us anymore.  Or maybe we just miss being in a  situation or a place. We might not miss the entirety of it. Maybe just the light feeling of wind through our hands, the dim rays from the sun, the scent of the newly cut grass, the sight of the long bridge from afar, the songs from our earphones.  Or maybe we just feel like we're missing some people or some things but we're not quite sure what they are. We want to cry but it doesn't feel right. But we choose to cry still. And I think this is one of the lonel

One of my seniors asked me a few very elementary questions about English grammar, maybe about a week or two ago. As the questions were very simple, I could give her the answers almost right away.  But, you know what? I felt quite content afterwards. It was like my small wish had come true.  I had wished that my friends, especially ones older than me, to not feel embarrass to ask me anything, especially when it comes to English. No matter how basic the questions might be.  And when even there is only one person does not feel any kind of inferiority to do just that, I feel that I have somehow lived a part of my life right. 

Happy Birthday to Me! I know it is kind of late now to wish myself as I have a little more than half an hour until a new day arrives. But still, I want to. It feels good to be extra good to myself on this day. I think it has been about two years since I hid my birth date from all of my social media profiles. I decided that I couldn't totally rely on other people to make me feel special on the day I was born. There was this one year that my family, even my parents, didn't remember my birthday. I had to keep rationalising in my head; "Parents can forget too. They're just humans." So, I received no birthday wishes and of course, no celebration. I felt kind of down but I kept my mouth quiet. I wanted to be cool about it. However, needless to say, I felt quite hurt. Then when I was at the university, I secretly hoped for birthday wishes and surprises from my friends, especially from a friend that was very special to me. I kept having butterflies in my tummy un

I know that kind of people. The kind that doesn't really talk much but can listen very well. They listen when others tell their problems to them but they themselves don't tell their problems to people. They want to but they can't. They have such a high standard of who can listen well to them , just as well as they can listen to others. They want to see themselves in other people.  They consider it as their strength. But it might be their flaw.

When one reads a good book, they would absolutely give the author the credit. However, when one watches a good movie or drama, often the credit is not rewarded to the scriptwriter first but rather to the casts or director. Without a well-crafted script, a story feels empty though with extraordinary performance by the actors and good directing by the director. I salute all the scripwriters that have produced a very high quality dramas and movies that have left me thinking that dramas and movies can do more than just entertaining. I thank you for the job well done. I wonder if I can write as creatively.

I just went to a bookstore a week ago and by chance saw this thick book of Shakespeare's work compilation. I thought I would like to buy it because the price is like really totally affordable. Like really totally affordable.  However, on second thought, I didn't think I should spend money on it because the thing is that Shakespeare sounds good only when other people, favourably with voices like that of Hugo Weaving, Benedict Cumberbatch, Colin Firth or John O'Hurley, read it to me. If I am to read his work again (I had to study Hamlet when I did my degree) all by myself, I think it is possible for me to have a double nosebleed. Another bummer is that the book is very heavy for me or even anyone to carry around everywhere. I mean, who carry around a book with like 700 pages++ for a bus ride? Isn't it better to make them into a few volumes but still with the same price? Since it is only reasonable to forget the whole thing about owning the book, shall I give mys

"I'm ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight." - Little Do You Know, Alex & Sierra Here it is about pain. People say that time will heal all wounds, all pain. Even Adele said that. Well, she said that people say that while she actually "ain't done much healing".   I actually doubt this statement. How can you be completely healed if the flesh is cut too deeply that you bleed too much? And even, to be back to how you used to be,  to how things as they once were before you are stabbed? People can expect you to be better after certain period of time. But, they cannot expect you to be exactly as you once were, especially the ones that have caused the pain. Because in the healing process, you might miss to pick up the pieces of yourselves that are shattered to very tiny pieces that they are almost impossible to be glued back. The pain might still be felt though the wound is getting better. Doubts might replace the trust you ha

I always miss my old friends who knew me better after years we went through together. They knew I did not like gossips, so they didn't gossip in front of me. They knew when I would like to change something about myself for my own good and they supported the effort though they didn't join the cause.   I liked that about them; their attentiveness and how they welcomed me into their group even when my idea of fun and my life perspective contrasted with theirs. I liked it when they did not call me names just because I was different. Yes, that's what I liked about this bunch of people. However, these few years of harsh adulthood years teach me that people change. We often hope others do not change when we ourselves change. Whether it is inevitable or it happens because we choose for it to take place, we change and others also change. I always remind myself that if I happen to meet these friends again in the future, there might be some things about these peop

I learned from a number of my teachers that knowledge and humility supposedly come hand in hand. It is like the traditional Malay analogy of the paddy plant; as the husk gets heavier, it naturally bends towards the ground ( bawa resmi padi, makin berisi, makin tunduk ). If a person, considerably knowledgeable, cannot act humbly, I find it hard to give much respect to him. The mind of a clever should have the humility of an illiterate .  (Yes, yes. Some illiterates can be quite ignorant. So, they're out of the picture here.)

Just when I think She had been Hurt enough Torn enough Betrayed enough That I doubt If she is ever capable of love again I see her rise above She smiles again Gives again Cares again And even Loves again To the point that I question How she did it with the scars still in her eyes?