Happy Birthday to Me!
I know it is kind of late now to wish myself as I have a little more than half an hour until a new day arrives. But still, I want to. It feels good to be extra good to myself on this day.
I think it has been about two years since I hid my birth date from all of my social media profiles. I decided that I couldn't totally rely on other people to make me feel special on the day I was born. There was this one year that my family, even my parents, didn't remember my birthday. I had to keep rationalising in my head; "Parents can forget too. They're just humans." So, I received no birthday wishes and of course, no celebration. I felt kind of down but I kept my mouth quiet. I wanted to be cool about it. However, needless to say, I felt quite hurt. Then when I was at the university, I secretly hoped for birthday wishes and surprises from my friends, especially from a friend that was very special to me. I kept having butterflies in my tummy until the end of the day. But, from what I remembered, that favourite person of mine didn't even once wish me "Happy Birthday".
So, I decided that it matters for me to make myself happy first before anyone else does for my birthday. If I crave something sweet, I am the one who is going to buy myself a bar of chocolate or a small-sized extra chocolatey chocolate cake. If I feel like having a little bit pricey meal for lunch because this day is special, I will buy myself the dish I want. I am quite a cheapskate so these little treats really feel huge to me.
People might say that it kind of sad. But actually, it kind of cool as well. It does feel lonely, but also it feels cool. If I can be cool, I guess I have to not really mind the sad lonesome part.
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